last night was strange, though in many ways good. i felt like i looked good for the first time in a while. i got an awesome foot massage and some free drinks from guys wanting to talk to me. i have someone interested in booking work for me, which would be awesome. i hate that part of the process. there were lots of cute guys there last night, but many of the regular people i see at Fetish Nation weren't there. there were 2 other club nights going on in hollywood, i wish FN was on Friday nights instead. i had some offers for trouble but i went home. i'm still reeling a bit from the breakup. it doesn't feel like it's an emotional reaction, i'm not really sure what it is. i think i'm in a state of shock - i don't really know what to do with myself even though there is so much i need to be doing. whatever it is, i'm not dealing with it very well. i'm not used to sleeping alone, but i haven't done my usual reaction and slept with a bunch of random people. i feel very out of sorts, like i'm not connected with the rest of the world. i know it doesn't make any sense, it's hard to express. i'm happy i've had a rope enthusiast staying with me the last several days, it's kept me from completely self destructing and falling apart. a lot of people i know are going through rough times/difficult changes right now. i hope it will soon pass for all of us.

must pack some dvds for the bizarre bazaar.