Julie Simone
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| Saturday, November 21st, 2009 | | 8:08 pm |
| | Sunday, November 15th, 2009 | | 9:42 am |
last night was strange, though in many ways good. i felt like i looked good for the first time in a while. i got an awesome foot massage and some free drinks from guys wanting to talk to me. i have someone interested in booking work for me, which would be awesome. i hate that part of the process. there were lots of cute guys there last night, but many of the regular people i see at Fetish Nation weren't there. there were 2 other club nights going on in hollywood, i wish FN was on Friday nights instead. i had some offers for trouble but i went home. i'm still reeling a bit from the breakup. it doesn't feel like it's an emotional reaction, i'm not really sure what it is. i think i'm in a state of shock - i don't really know what to do with myself even though there is so much i need to be doing. whatever it is, i'm not dealing with it very well. i'm not used to sleeping alone, but i haven't done my usual reaction and slept with a bunch of random people. i feel very out of sorts, like i'm not connected with the rest of the world. i know it doesn't make any sense, it's hard to express. i'm happy i've had a rope enthusiast staying with me the last several days, it's kept me from completely self destructing and falling apart. a lot of people i know are going through rough times/difficult changes right now. i hope it will soon pass for all of us. must pack some dvds for the bizarre bazaar. | | Saturday, November 14th, 2009 | | 10:14 pm |
heading out in a few for Fetish Nation. i'm being interviewed for a documentary on the Dirty Show. it's kind of cool that people are interested in what i have to say. for years I felt like no one was interested in what i had to say, "just shut up and get naked" or maybe it was all those years spent with a ball gag in my mouth that gave me that impression :) still, it's nice. i was interviewed for another documentary when I was in Berlin by Anna Brownfield. Hopefully i said something intelligent or at least interesting enough to make the final cut. i'm going through a strange period. my boyfriend and i have parted ways at my suggestion. he gave me a lot of freedom but he couldn't give me some other things that are crucial to me. i've never broken up with someone and still liked them and myself. i'm either totally destroyed or hate their guts. i guess i'm just not willing to let things get to that point anymore or i know myself better now. still it's hard. i really wanted it to work out, he's a great guy in many ways i just don't think he's the guy for me. how i'm going to do better than a guy who likes what i do for a living and lets me fuck random people (and some not so random people) i'm not sure... something that's been in my head for a while now is getting a slave/girlfriend. i haven't had a girlfriend in a long, long time. the one i did have was so insane it turned me off to girls for a while. most chicks still get on my nerves but there are exceptions to that rule, i just need to find them. if i could clone Krissy -mmmm. the problem is there are so many pretend / above the waist lesbians that do it in bars or parties for attention but would never actually fuck or date a girl, especially in LA, the land of poseurs. must get in latex now. hope everyone has a great night! Julie Simone | | 10:03 pm |
Bizarre Bazaar
I'll be at the Bizarre Bazaar tomorrow (Sunday) from 12-6 with DVDs in hand, so if you're in LA, come by and buy some goodies to do bad things with! -Julie Simone | | 5:11 pm |
upcoming travel
Upcoming travel schedule : Nov 18-23 : NYC at Pandora's Box, 212-242-4577 for bookings. I am accepting both Domme and Sub sessions. Nov 29-Dec 3 : NYC Dec 4-6 : Boston Dec 7-15 : NYC/DC/Va? | | Thursday, November 12th, 2009 | | 5:49 pm |
The Dirty Show, This weekend
my film "Cocksucker" is showing at this event. The one in detroit is amazing, i have no reason to believe this one won't be just as fabulous. Hope to see you there! Julie Simone Description A two-night stay, unlike any other we have had — at the fabulous City Center Motel in Downtown Los Angeles. We are taking over the entire East Wing of the motor court. Each room will be luxuriously appointed with skintallating erotic works from over 100 artists from all over the world. The exhibition is completely uncensored, and features leading edge artists from many backgrounds working within the theme including many of the biggest names in modern erotica. A special once in-a-lifetime collection that will never be assembled under one roof again. It opens on Friday the 13th, at 7pm to 11pm — which will be your lucky day if you are in the market for amazing exotic art. Come early for best selection. The entrance will be through the alley, in the back of the motel. There are plenty of inexpensive parking lots and ample street parking. The fun will continue to a secret location announced at the exhibition. Saturday, Nov. 14th is the Gala, from 6pm -11pm and continuing with an after-party at Fetish Nation. In Detroit, our second night is usually bigger than opening night, so we advise you to come early. You should bring your checkbook and credit cards, because you won't want to have to drive home to get them when you see that piece of art you can't live without. CITY CENTER MOTEL 1135 W. 7th St. Los Angeles, CA 90017 Ample Parking • No Cameras Allowed ARTISTS INCLUDE: Aaron Hawkes, Alex Aviles, Alva Bernadine (UK), Annie Sprinkle, April Segedi, Ashley (UK), Astrid Kuver, Barry Noland, Billy Ogawa, Billy Pacak, Bob Coulter, Brad Miller, Brian Viveros, Bruce La Bruce, Bryan Barnes, BT Charles, Bunny Yeager, Carolyn Weltman, Chad Michael Ward, Charly B, Charles Green, Chas Ray Krider, Chris Maher, Christine Kessler, Christopher Wright, Clive Barker, Colln Christian, Collin Rae, Corey Godfrey, Cory Marc, Damon Hill, Dan Armand, Dave Naz, Douglas Cason, Ed Fox, Elizabeth Stephens, Eric Kroll, Erin Frost, Eva Midgley, Francois Dubeau, Fredric Fontenoy (FR), Gary Breckheimer, Gary Lee, Geza X, Gina King, Glenn Barr, Gregory de la Haba, HR Giger, Harald Seiwert, Heidi Bluegirl, Hugo, J. L. Robbins, Jason Yates, Jeff Wack, Jeremy Harvey, Jeremy MF Thomson, Juan Martin Del Campo, Jill Greenberg, Jeff Faerber, John Martin, John Santerineross, Julie Simone, Justice Howard, Keith Mueller, Ken Keirns, Kenny Scharf, Kurt Hernon, Lara Allport (AU), Lisa Boyle, Lisolette Gilcrest, Marc DeBauch, Marilyn Zimmerwoman, Mark Arminski, Mark Dancey, Marne Lucas, Michael Breyette, Michael Manning, Michael Rosen, Michael Siu, Mike Williams, Missy Suicide, Niagara, Nicole Steen (CA), Nina Friday, Pablo Davis, Passia Pandora, Paul Rumsey, Peter Keresztury, Pierre Radisic (Belg), Ken Josephson, R. Alan Warren, Renard Garr, Richard Avery, Rick Castro, Rick Morris, Rik Garret, Robert Rosenheck, Robyn Breen, Rod McDonald, Roger White, Ron Zakrin, Ronald Shelley, Ross Brownsdon, Ross Johnston, Sam Holden, Samarel (Israel), Simon Barret, Stacy Lande, Stan Konowitz, Steve Diet Goedde, Sue Rynski (FR) Taurus Burns, The Pizz, Theoni Sapounas, Tom Porta (italy), Tom Thewes, Tracee Mae Miller, Travis Jonk, Travis Shinn, Tristan Eaton, Tulip Enterprises (GE), Vato, Victor Lightworship, Viva Van Story, Yonilab (FR)... and more! 18+ with Valid Photo ID • $10.00 | | Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 | | 9:07 pm |
Site Update!
   Just added to the members' section, a set called "Big Black Cock" starring my favourite bondage playmate, Ashley Renee. Ashley knows when she and I play together, anything goes! When she asked for a gag I told her I was going to gag her with my fist. Everyone on crew laughed but Ashley knew I was serious. She yelled "she's not kidding, guys!" The scene starts with Ashley bound in leather while her hips are lifted off the table by a strict crotch rope    Everyone knows Ashley Renee loves rope but what they might not know is that she loves big black cock even more. So as a special treat for her, I brought a big black strap on to fuck her mouth with while I used the hitachi magic wand on her.  I'm a little off schedule with the video clips, I'll have to rectify this after next week's update. The video clip this week goes with last week's pics that have Krissy Kage getting an OTK spanking by busty Domme Summer Cummings. Krissy meows while being beaten by a kitty cat paddle and says her signature line, "I'm Krissy the Love Sex Doll and I LOVE to fuck." If only all girls were that simple :)    The 2nd photo set was shot back in 2001 in DC. There's something about those old pics, I wish they were better in quality. Back then I was still developing my style, I didn't have any ideas about how it was supposed to be, i just went with it. I wish I could get back to that place, but one's innocence whether it be creative or sexual cannot be reclaimed once it's gone, unfortunately.    The set is called "Zen Bondage" and has Vasara Noxuul bound with twine. Includes hand and foot bondage. The strange creature floating at the top of the set is a paper mache devil i made named Powie. Powie has since bitten the dust, as has the rug Vasara is on, courtesy of my cabinets self-destructing along with 2 gallons of paint. I actually made the gag she's wearing, no clue what happened to it. That's another thing I don't do anymore - make gags and other implements of torture. I don't know if it's because I can afford to buy them now or I got lazy..,. Enough strolling down memory lane, enjoy the update! | | 3:40 pm |
"Lesbian Fantasies"
it's finally out and it's on the AVN All-Girl Charts !!  i directed this video and shot it (including the stills!) | | 10:58 am |
update tonight
my apologies for the delay, i've been a bit overwhelmed the past few days. new update tonight!! Julie Simone | | Friday, November 6th, 2009 | | 5:02 pm |
Site Update
we're still in the process of moving everything to another server. finally i was able to gain access to my site. please be patient, there are going to be a lot of broken links, but they'll fill in as the files transfer. The real hero in all this mess is Rev Mitcz, who is also responsible for the hot new tour design that recently went up. If you like my site and work, send him a note or even some cash via paypal (me AT revmitcz.com) to express your thanks. in the meantime, there is a new update. another one will follow in the next day or so.    Courtesy of Strictrestraint.com, I am naked and barefoot, sitting in a chair with my legs and hands in stocks! Master Liam enters the scene and canes my tender soles. Next he uses rubber bands to torture me. I'd heard that it hurts, but i had never experienced it until that shoot. I never thought thin strips of rubber would sting so much!!    Next Master Liam gets out a blowtorch. The noise alone was scary, not knowing what he intended to do with it was even scarier. Luckily he was just using the flame to melt a candle all over my legs and feet. The scene finishes with Liam not letting me finish! Booo! I am denied an orgasm after being taken to the edge. The video clip is from this scene as well.    The 2nd photo set is one I shot of Summer Cummings and Krissy Kage on the set of "Vicious Vixxxens VII: Krissy the Love Sex Doll". This is from the first scene where Summer, dressed in fabulous latex, discovers the present that I left her. (regrettably i am not in this vid) She unwraps it and discovers a Krissy Love Sex Doll secured with zip ties.    Summer wastes no time in playing with her new doll and testing her limits. Krissy says "I like everything". We'll see... Summer delivers an OTK spanking and uses a variety of paddles on her bottom. She even breaks a ruler over Krissy's perfect ass. more soon... Julie Simone | | 6:56 am |
site note
everything should be fully functional by tonight, tomorrow at the latest. a longer blog about this nightmare to follow. -Julie Simone | | Thursday, November 5th, 2009 | | 11:08 am |
i am pissed off beyond belief. my hosting dude, Edward Mage, apparently did not pay his hosting bill or whatever. His account is inactive, the folks at DreamHost tell me. I was never given any warning and there was no reason for him to fuck me over like this. We weren't pals, but doesn't a thing called professional ethics exist?? DreamHost says I can easily transfer my domain but that doesn't include the 9 years worth of content I do not have backed up. I have seemingly lost everything. I just paid a pretty penny to have my site redesigned. I had marketing things in place, i just came back from a European tour where I was promoting my site and dvds to people. None of those people can get in touch with me because that e-mail address is going nowhere right now. I don't even know what to say or do. I'm trying to get the DreamHost people to understand the situation and let me access my files. We'll see. For 9 years this has been my life. They're not just pictures to me, they're my memories, experiences, my LIFE suddenly taken away from me. my internet connection at home is still slower than the slowest dial-up. I keep asking my landlord to reboot the modem and router, but for whatever reason he still hasn't done it. 5 minutes, that's all it would take. This morning I noticed my kitchen sink was leaking underneath and those cabinets are rotting out. Lovely. I'm growing to hate this place. I should have moved back to DC. LA has never been my town, I have no fucking idea why I came back here. | | Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 | | 10:07 pm |
jetlag, computers and other things
i have more to write about my trip including final thoughts but i am still majorly jetlagged. my site is down again which i'm definitely not happy about especially since i just got back from a major marketing trip and the e-mail address on my business cards goes through my site. i need to make a new card anyway, i think i'll just put my yahoo address on future versions just in case. today i played Helen of Troy in a gay version of "Faust" by Boulevard Productions. I'm in the last scene and play the ultimate woman who leads Faust to his death, then I give a monologue with the final message/warning of the video. It should be interesting. I had really big hair, will post a pic when my brain is working better. it was fun to do something different. once my site is back up and let's hope that it will be soon, i will have some updates coming your way. going back to bed, julie simone | | Friday, October 30th, 2009 | | 12:38 am |
Fetisch Film Festival Kiel day 1
today was the first day of the festival. the format is much different than other festivals, as there are lengthy introductions and discussions after each film which is quite nice, except that most of them are in german. one film in the earlier program was shot in Pandora's box NYC in what looked like the 80's or early 90's and was focused on showing different fetishes as well as the women who work there and showing a more human side to the dominatrix. I'm pretty certain the blonde submissive named Maria in the film is Maria Beatty. In general it was a good piece though the segment on infantilism was in inaccurate portrayal of that fetish. The person they showed was more into cross-dressing and didn't seem to be into infantilism at all, his roleplay was that of a young girl playing dress up, rather than the Infant-mommy dynamic that is really what infantiism is. That is one of the problems that comes up when you have non-fetishists making films about fetishes. Their understanding of what they are portraying is limited. Still it was an enjoyable piece. The 2nd part of the program started off with a music video directed by an ex of mine of his girlfriend at the time. She did the fetish thing long before Madonna made it popular. It was in her video more about fashion. When he and I dated I remember him saying to me "i can't understand why you want to be hurt, there is something wrong with you that you like that" which brings me to the feature film shown "SM Lechter" which had some of the most authentic SM scenes I've ever seen and certainly in a mainstream film. it's based on a true story about a judge whose wife is into SM and becomes depressed. She confesses her desires to her husband and he learns about it because he loves her and wants her to be happy. Through this exploration together they fall madly in love all over again and their relationship is taken to new heights. Because of his position, he has enemies who later use his SM activities to take everything away from him, they cannot understand why she should want it. Though there is some SM in the movie, it's really a beautiful and tender love story. the film brought up some interesting points and was really well-done on several levels, not just on the action. tomorrow the smoking breathplay scene from GwenMedia's "Slavery, A Love Story: The Beginning" that i directed and co-star in with Mz Beriln will play, along with several other films. | | Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 | | 11:24 pm |
1st day in Kiel
i woke up late this morning and had to rush. i tied up my suitcase rather nicely. i rushed to the train station where again i had a hard time figuring out where i had to go. i get sensory overload in those places and the language problems don't help. i went to a machine to try to buy a ticket for the train and a girl approached me. she said i could ride to kiel with her and i just had to give her 5 euros. it seemed like a scam but she showed me that her ticket said 'up to 5 people'. i waited with her as she tried to get a few more people. she was able to get one more girl and then off we went. i kept expecting her to take off somewhere, though part of me thought that 5 euros wasn't enough of a profit to make it worth her while. she came inside the train after smoking a cigarette and we were off! at one point the train stopped between stations and i got a little nervous. i don't know what the political climate is like these days but i have vivid memories of there being posters everywhere for a terrorist group when i was younger. i can't remember how many men there were, 3 or 4? there was also one woman in the group. when people in America think of terrorists most of them think of people of Middle Eastern/Arabic descent. this group was white, they looked like everyone else and could easily blend in. That's part of what made them so scary, that ease with which they could pass and wreak havoc. in some ways i feel like i'm in a time warp. when i left germany it was summer of 1984. the fashion from that period has come around again so it's like time never changed when i left, everyone still looks the same in many ways. it's really quite bizarre. i got to kiel and the film festival organizer, Andy, picked me up. he is adorable. i got to my hotel and tried to unwind. around 7 he took me on a tour of the cinema. it's a magnificent building. it's just beautiful. in one room there was a dance lesson going on. couples were learning the cha cha cha step as he showed me where different rooms were going to be built and modified for the big fetish sex party on Saturday. i've been to fetish parties and i've been to sex parties, but i doubt i've been to anything quite like this before. i'm excited! now i'm back at my hotel and am probably going to crash for the night. i had horrible insomnia last night and need to catch up on sleep. tomorrow my version of a film idea Andy wrote is playing, "Service". No one in Berlin said anything negative about me speaking german in that movie, i don't know if they were being polite or if it was passable. i hope to get more feedback tomorrow! Julie Simone | | 1:35 am |
last night in hamburg
though it was a big disappointment not getting to see the person i came to hamburg to see, it's an long-standing unrequited lust situation, the neighborhood he recommended i stay in turned out to be a haven for porno shops! i went into a few, one had "Audition" on its shelves!! i got a few cards and one shop owner is going to give me the contact for getting my dvds into the viewing booths around the city. hopefully something will pan out! so it wasn't a total waste, but i must say there are things about berlin that i liked better. i liked being in a hotel and being able to finally get on line with my own machine, but the people in berlin overall were much much friendlier. one of the shop owners i talked to was downright snotty, as were many of the people once they found out i was american. unless they're from eastern germany where they learn russian, germans learn english from an early age. if they tell you they don't speak it, they're usually just being assholes. i certainly don't expect everyone to speak my language when i'm in their country and i try to speak what little german i know, but there is no reason to be rude. my hosts in Berlin were so wonderful and went above and beyond to help me get around. perhaps Hamburg's people have a different idea on such things. something else i noticed about hamburg was the number of street people and beggars, something i didn't see in Berlin. in the train station there was a guy laying on the ground, presumably passed out or sleeping. it's funny how the richer city has the riff raff. i went to a phone center where they have super cheap long distance rates. i couldn't reach my boyfriend but i did talk to my mother for a while, which was nice. i know she misses traveling, she loved living in germany and has also lived in England and Italy. it's one of my dreams to take her on a European vacation one of these days. First I have to make the $$ to do it unfortunately. later at my hotel i finally got to chat with my man via IM and tell him about my adventure in berlin. i love that i can do whatever i want when i travel and he always likes my stories. he's never jealous or feels the need to compete with me. of course, he also knows me extremely well and that my already strong sex drive + 4 days of watching porn was going to lead to something or else my head would explode. i worked on the update for a bit, but it will be a few more days before it's done. i thank you in advance for your patience. i tried to get them done before my trip, but ran out of time. I also worked on an idea for a documentary i've been thinking about for a while. I think i finally have the structure in place and a title so i can start filming it when i get back to the US. i am hoping it will be the crossover piece that can get me into regular festivals as well as erotic ones. I'm ready to break out of this box, but is the rest of the world? tomorrow i head to Kiel. i am nervous (as always) but hope my work will be liked. Julie Simone | | Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 | | 8:45 am |
germany pt 3
my presentation went well. because i was presenting fetish films, most with latex in them, i wore a latex dress which garnered praise and a few unexpected ass slaps by women :) i wrote notes in case i was again too nervous to speak and i'm glad i did because once i stood up and had to say something my mind went completely blank. i forgot to put one of the clips on my list, but i was happy with the introduction. the Q&A went well also. only one person (of the ones who stayed to the end) seemed unhappy with 'Audition'. he asked if i shouldn't be worried that men will now think it's ok to rape women because they will think after watching my film that it is ok. i answered well, though of course after the fact much better answers came to me. i wish i had explained that rape isn't about sex it's about power though it wasn't really what he asked. sometimes people don't ask the questions you want to answer :) afterwards i went to the closing party at a local club. people were surprised i could walk in my heels. they were only 4", if anything they were hard to walk in because they were too low! i think i've fallen on the street almost every day since i got to germany except the day i wore heels :) the streets are slippery here or maybe i've forgotten how to walk. my memory of berlin will be 'the city of stairs'. i don't think i've walked up and down more stairs in my life. i need an ass massage! at least i'm toning up instead of getting fatter as most people do on vacations. back to the party -finally i could let loose. i had no immediate responsibilities and it felt great to throw back some drinks. downstairs was a section that a man told me i couldn't go down to because it was men only. i asked him if there were glory holes down there and he said yes. my argument was "if they are glory holes they won't know if it's a man or a woman, right?" but still, he told me i couldn't go :( overall the festival was a great experience. i have a lot of respect for the people who put it on. they work hard and are mostly on a volunteer basis. that alone is inspiring, seeing all this incredible work in one place takes it up to a notch beyond measure. Monday i left Berlin for Hamburg. the station was confusing and i couldn't figure out where i had to go. i thought i was switching platforms but ended up on the same one where a stout german woman was yelling directions at me that i couldn't understand. it was beyond frustrating. i am not good with public transport. in that way i am very american. i want to get in my car and be in total control. it didn't help that i was lugging around a heavy bag held together with one short bungy cord and my scarf. today i was able to find some rope, so it'll look a little bit better, but not much. Hamburg is definitely a city for the rich. everything here is so much more expensive. i looked at buying a new suitcase and they were outrageously priced. today i went to a museum to see an exhibit of Sigmar Polke and his group of artists. it was interesting but not my thing. I'm not really into modern art or art with a political message. i think it dates the work. While it is powerful in the time it was created, future generations will never get the full effect. But i suppose most artists don't think of art in that way. I'd like to create things that will be seen for generations, though perhaps that's narcissistic of me? I did like several of the pieces, however, including one b/w photo by a female knife thrower who is in the photo with what appears to be mesh fabric over her face. Her eyes sparkle. She's surrounded by knives, some appearing to be in motion with the caption "The Germans become more German" (in german, of course). I wish I had written down the name of it, i'd love to own a print. I also liked several of the paintings done on printed fabric. Some of the pieces had elements that looked to be done with stencils which was interesting as well. I used to go to art shows all the time. When i left LA there weren't any opportunities for art shows in the middle of nowhere, but there is no excuse for me not going since I moved back. I think this is something that is important that has been missing in my life. i want to get back to painting as well. i need somehow to get more training in techniques, which is nearly impossible given my hectic traveling schedule. another source of frustration. there are so many things i'd love to do, i just don't know how. It doesn't look like I'll see my friend who lives in Hamburg and is the main reason why i came to this city, though it is halfway between Berlin and the next stop, Keil. Still it was nice to see another city. Hamburg is much bigger than Berlin and in some parts reminds me of DC. Tomorrow I leave for Keil and the fetish festival there that is showing some of my short films. It ends on Saturday with a big fetish party where I'll have on another latex outfit. I'd like to spend more time in Europe in the future but I want to have more language skills next time. I know some german and can usually communicate what I want to say, but the times when i couldn't were very frustrating, especially at the train station when it was important. So i'm thinking someone should get me Rosetta Stone's German lesson 1 for Christmas, maybe on Ebay? Now that I finally have the right plug for my machine, I can start working on the update. My apologies for the delay, i was sold the wrong plug converter at JFK airport in NYC and didn't have an opportunity to get the right one until today. Julie Simone | | Sunday, October 25th, 2009 | | 5:55 pm |
last night i saw an amazing film, "the life and death of a porno group". it was brilliant and really isn´t porn. there is sex but it wasn´t shot with the usual close ups, etc. it was raw, gritty and intense. it was the kind of film after which you want to sit in silence smoking cigarettes and processing what you have just seen. i wish i could make films half as compelling. this trip has been difficult but in many ways it has been good. for quite some time i have been at a crossroads with my work. i don´t get much satisfaction out of making porno as a director. the only reason to do it was to make money since no one was interested in buying my weird artsy films. i have been without distribution for a year now, thus i´m not really making much money. selling out your artistic ideals and integrity for no money is well, stupid. there are several ideas mulling around in my head but none of them involve sex in the usual porno fashion. i want to make films about truth and experiences that aren´t jerk off material even if there is sexual content within. this in no way affects my site, but it does change what i´ll be producing for the dvd market. here on out it´ll most likely be website content compiled on disc, other than the next Vicious Vixxxens video which has already been shot. if i am going to pour my heart and soul into something it needs to be something that gives me something back. i need to refocus my energy on my art. i think perhaps my unhappiness has been because of my failure to do this in recent times, an unhappy compromise. i don´´t have the quote in front of me, but i believe it was freud who said ´without the means to express his art the artist becomes depressed´. i am presenting my part of the program tonight. in many ways i wish i could have included different material but it is what it is. i hope people will like it or at least understand from where i am coming and the place i am trying to take them to. julie simone | | Saturday, October 24th, 2009 | | 9:02 pm |
i slept horribly last night. i woke up around 3am and was up for hours convinced my eardrum was going to burst. i opened the door to my room so i could get someone to take me to a doctor once they awakened. eventually i fell back asleep, but i was up in extreme pain for a while. when i woke up i put more drops in my ear and that seemed to help a bit. i still cant hear in one ear and there is still a lot of pressure but at least the pain has subsided. i did see a good film last night, renee ponero's "little josefine". it was in austrian so i couldnt understand it but the 3 sex scenes i watched were super hot. they were beautifully shot and they had a realness to them that so few u.s. porns have. it´s a look in the eyes that you can't fake. thankfully there were no high pitched annoying "oh yeah oh yeah"s or other ridiculous porn talk. today i spoke on a panel. i was much much better than i was in the cinekink panel. i felt more comfortable, more at ease. aftwards i spent some time with vena virago, lisa from cinekink and joe gallant. joe and i know a lot of the same people but have never actually met. i´ve heard amazing things about scenes with live instruments while people are fucking in the background. his work sounds like it would fit my aesthetic (if you leave out all the enema scenes). in general he seems like a cool guy and some projects were discusssed. we´ll see... now i`m wasting time at an internet cafe contemplating the meaning and purpose of relationships. sure it´s nice to have someone to cuddle with and talk to but at the end of the day what do i really want? is it even possible for one person to fully understand another? i feel so isolated here in berlin with no contact, no voice, just words on a screen, words so dry and without passion i wonder why i am even reading them. as great as practicality can be, it can´t give me the emotion i need to thrive. i need things to be intense all the time. i need passion and lust and emotion and everything all at once until i am done. and then i need sleep. the past few days i feel as if i am sleepwalking, that is what life is like to me when there is no intensity. i don´t want to trudge along, i want to leap and run and dance. otherwise there really is no point to living. if i am to sleep, then i should just sleep. | | Friday, October 23rd, 2009 | | 8:57 pm |
the festival pt 1
i got to berlin after forever on 2 planes. 5 hrs to ny then 10 to germany. when my luggage came down the carousel it was broken. when i picked it up dvds went flying. lovely. i used my scarf to tie it closed and went outside to meet my ride. on the way to the flat i am staying at we drove by the remnants of the berlin wall. it only stands 12 ft high at the most. i was shocked by how small it was, for i remember seeing it as a child so big and powerful with armed guards standing by ready to shoot you down. i remember the chill, the fear and looking at it now so brightly painted it is all a distant memory, as if it wasnt real at all... i have been majorly jetlagged, waking up at 4a, then falling asleep until 6pm. on my first day my host mistakenly thought it was the first day of the festival and we sped over to the venue. i walked back home to get some sights in. it was a long walk and my plan of taking a cab once i got tired failed me. once i was tired, there were no cabs to be found. yesterday was the first day and it opened with a film called "the band". it was beautifully shot and edited and i liked that they showed the men putting on their condoms before each casual sexual encounter, something you would never see in american porn. one thing i didnt like about the film, a theme that is prevalent in female directed films is that as the women become empowered the men are made a mockery of. why cant the men still be strong as the women gain strength? can not the universe support both of the sexes being strong at the same time? why does the strength of one have to lead to the subjugation of the other? next i viewed a showcase of candida royalle`s films which i was curious to see. it`´s definitely not my style, but i try to support other artists when i can. one surprise moment was when rick savage came on screen. rick is the only man i´ve ever fully and completely submitted to. our shoot was the only fetish shoot i´ve done where i totally wanted to bang the director. i can´t explain it, he´s just hot. he almost extended his trip, but alas it was not meant to be. so there he was on screen in front of me, seemingly about to whip out his cock which i was very curious to see when it cut. end of clip! boooo!! :) today i got up at a more decent hour but my ear is killing me. i can´t pop one of my ears. i bought some drops, tried yawning and chewing gum but no dice. my film ´"Anonymity" played along with other films from previous cinekink nyc. "who´s the top" was among those. i don´t know why i didn´t make the connection between the director of that film being the same director of "Paris is burning", a film i studied in my gay and lesbian film class in college. i had the opportunity to interview her the year her film showed and had i known it was the same person i would have lept on that chance. a missed opportunity for sure. her portrayal of the ny vogue cross dressing scene was controversial and many would argue biased against those who wanted to change their sex for good. tonight i will be seeing a european film "little josephine". i was thinking about seeing the remi lange showcase but i don´t know that i´m ready to see the man with no legs or hands who wants a lover. i think it would be too emotional/heartwrenching. one thing that is missing is my man, we had talked about him coming on this trip with me but he wasn´t able to swing it. it´s just not the same without a partner in crime. it is as it always has been, me drifting alone. my iphone is not working even though i got a special plan. the guy at the airport sold me the wrong plug converter so i can´t use my laptop. in some ways it´s kind of nice to be cut off from the world but in some ways it´s lonely, i feel as if my man has forgotten about me already which makes me sad. back to the festival!! julie simone |
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